Progression

Today has been a lot more positive.  I have actually got to the end of a draft again, though it isn't perfect, it needs lots of tweaking.  But i feel more human again, and i have stopped burping quite so much (been making myself a little ill).

I spoke to my friend Heather last night - she is a really good children's author I shared a flat with for a while.  We talked a lot -  just about how writing makes us feel, and she feels exactly the same, with this not being able to see where you are going, and the ridiculous stoppage and inability to move sometimes.  She says it is the same every time, this is the most normal thing, the deadlines don't help at all - that they completely give her a huge panic.

She told me to think of the most ridiculous ideas i could.  To just sit and not expect it to be good - to try and make it shit.  I tried that this morning and it didn't really work.  But it loosened me up lots, and i focused - deciding to tackle the bit i am stuck on completely - the birth bit - as well as i possibly could. Reading through all the stories people have sent me and drawing on post it notes.  Reading a birthing book while i had a poo.

Then I typed and typed and typed and lots of it was rubbish.   

I went for a swim and lunch with Sally D and forgot all about it for 2 hours, and chatted and stretched and steamed and had a lovely time, then came back and decided to try it with one mother instead of the many, and it really didnt work but it made me edit out lots of bits without thinking and it feels nicer without them.  I feel a lot happier with it, better than i have before I think, at this second anyway.  

So today has been good.

Good.

What a relief.

This is like childbirth. Apart from the pain and ridiculous feelings of being out of my depth sometimes -  I looked at a calendar and worked out, it will have taken me if i make my final deadline - 8 months and 2 weeks.  

This makes me not mind if i am 2 weeks late.